Dear President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin,

I write to urge you to wait until after May 9th, 2022 to make any decisions about what Russia’s national interests require with respect to the Ukraine.

I doubt I have to explain why I choose May 9th; you certainly know. I am writing, however, not only for you but for my fellow Americans - especially those like me who have boys of fighting age.

In Russia you celebrate the “Immortal Regiment” every May 9th. We know very little about this memorial. I have read about this with interest, but only today learned that this emerged organically among everyday Russians - people with whom I am certain everyday Americans share much in common.

On this day you bring out pictures of your loved ones who died fighting Hitler’s Germany in what you know as the Great Patriotic War. We, of course, call this World War II. It is this remembrance which offers an opportunity to help the people of our countries grasp the nature of the misunderstandings between us.

Your Memories and Ours

I imagine if we were to gather ten people walking about in a major Russian city like Moscow or St. Petersburg and ask if they have a picture at home of a loved one of the Immortal Regiment, it would be shocking if less than nine raise their hands.

Our memories are - of course - quite different. We remember the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. December 7th is the closest we can come to May 9th. And today we take note of how few survivors of Pearl Harbor are left among us. On September 11th I remember my own father saying it was our generation’s Pearl Harbor.

But if we were to do the same - assemble a randomly selected ten people in a typical American city, and ask if they have a picture at home by which they remember a loved one lost in World War II - I would be shocked if there were more than two. It is far more likely there would be none, or maybe one.

It is my hope that we can seize the opportunity May 9th provides us. As one old enough to remember when we got most information from newspapers, we have a saying about the most important news: It is “above the fold” on the first page. It is only in the past week that news from the Ukraine has made it “above the fold” and in this age of digital media even that does not guarantee it merits much of our short attention span.

May 9th and your celebration of the Immortal Regiment will offer so many things for us to talk about that we might better understand each other. I will offer two: One concerns something about us as Americans I fear you misunderstand, and one about what I believe to be true about the Russian world view I fear Americans misunderstand.

You have written to us in the past about your concern with our view of “American exceptionalism.” Please allow me to explain: Our Founding Fathers were well-studied in the affairs of Europe, and its history of religious war. Indeed, the nation-state we all take for granted emerged from the Treaty of Westphalia signed by a Europe exhausted by these wars. Our Founding Fathers saw that national identities built around religion, language, and bloodlines were inevitably set against each other. They sought to forge something radically different: a national identity forged around the idea of individual liberty. Our Constitution could have started with: “We who share the King’s bloodline.” It could have been: “We who attend the King’s Church.” Or perhaps: “We who speak the King’s English.” It doesn't, of course. “We the People” - plain, simple, and having nothing whatsoever to do with language, ethnicity, or religion.

It is this that we believe is exceptional about America. It is not that we see ourselves as superior. But many of us do believe our concept of a national identity of ideas has proven itself to be that by which the world’s people - all bloodlines, languages, and religions - are most likely to live and thrive at peace with one another. To many of us it seems the people of the Ukraine want nothing more than this. We strongly identify with these aspirations.

The French writer Alexis de Tocqueville penned the following comparison of the American and the Russian: “The American fights against natural obstacles; the Russian is at grips with men. The former combats the wilderness and barbarism; the latter, civilization with all its arms.”

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The American fights against natural obstacles; the Russian is at grips with men. The former combats the wilderness and barbarism; the latter, civilization with all its arms.

—Alexis de Tocqueville

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Our national identity of ideas - what for all its merits - and our geography and history all conspire to prevent us from understanding you and your people. It is from national identities bound up by ethnicity, language, and religion that ancient ethnic rivalries emerge. I suspect in your part of the world there are the old things of your family memories and the ancient things that have always been. The threats to the Russian people posed by their ancient rivals is part of those ancient things. The staggering loss of 25 million Russian lives in the war are still part of the old things of your family memories.

We have neither; this was and remains the promise of the “New World.”

It is for this reason we suffer from a grave misunderstanding of Russia. The distinction between a “defensive” and “offensive” military posture is something we take for granted - as if the difference is obvious on its face. Our grave failure is not realizing that to the Russian this is - as we often say in English - a “distinction without a difference.”

Our geography and history permits us the luxury of making this distinction; yours does not. There is no “defensive” posture at the Russian border that will not look like an offensive posture. In August of 1939 your predecessors signed a non-aggression pact with Hitler’s Germany. You relied on those guarantees - and paid a horrible price for doing so. It is no surprise to some of us that you see NATO on your borders in the same light. As we like to say: You have seen this movie before. It did not end well last time.

An Opportunity to Honor the Immortal Regiment

We simply must have these conversations; the price of not confronting our misunderstandings will be too unspeakably high. What better way to honor the memories of the Immortal Regiment than to seize this teachable moment?

Mr. President, I am merely an ordinary American citizen. I speak only on my own behalf when I implore you to make solemn representation to your American counterparts to invite our President, Vice-President, Secretary of State, and Secretary of Defense to join you in Russia on May 9th of this year as you celebrate the Immortal Regiment.

There will be a day in the unfortunately not-too-distant future when all of us will only be remembered in photos. When our children gather around them, I pray their tears will be from their laughter - not from a renewed sorrow we were too ignorant of each other to avoid.