Why we need to stop arguing long enough to listen to each others stories

Charlie Kirk was a good man, but I think I could have proven him wrong

Maxim Elramsisy: Image licensed from Shutterstock

I am going to wade into this matter of Charlie Kirk, but I am going to stick to one main issue, and yes - I am going to politicize it. Just yesterday Kirk said the murder of the Ukrainian immigrant in Charlotte, NC needed to be politicized to draw attention to the consequences of allowing violent criminals to walk free. He was right on that - when you can no longer ride public transit without being in fear for your life - it is political.

I appreciated Kirk because he succeeded in getting young people engaged in current events. As a conservative, I agreed with him on most things, but certainly not everything - especially about what I will say next. I genuinely mean to honor his attempts at dialog. So in genuine honor of his memory...

Prove me wrong.

Kirk has made the common conservative argument that “there are only two genders.” Well, if we limit that question to genetics, then yes, the human egg carries the X chromosome. The sperm then donates another X and a girl (XX) is born. Or the sperm donates a Y and a boy (XY) is born.

But... If the chromosomes are our “source code” it is “compiled” into the biology (and psychology) of the body we spend the rest of our lives in. That “compiler” is our endocrine system. Our body and mind is like “machine code” run by the computer. I write software. If the compiler is corrupted, it makes no difference how perfect my source code is.

There is an enzyme called aromatase. It exists in what are called the “gonads.” A newborn genetically female’s XX chromosome pattern is supposed to signal expression of the enzyme to create the estrogen needed for the gonads to differentiate into ovaries. If the newborn is genetically male, the mother’s endocrine system is supposed to give the newborn something of a testosterone bath. Aromatase expression should be inhibited, preventing testosterone from being converted to estrogen. The testosterone causes the gonads to differentiate into testicles rather than ovaries and then drop into the scrotum.

If you want to see what happens to frogs when they are exposed to otherwise normal levels of a pesticide named atrazine, how it affects aromatase, and then how sex and gender can be disconnected from genetics, by all means read the science for yourself here: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2842049/.

Now, someone might say this does not prove anything as to humans. This is correct. But it does present a plausible hypothesis, because aromatase as an enzyme functions the same way in humans. In her recent book “Follow the Science” Sharyl Atkinson covers this study in depth and interviews the author. If you want to honor Kirk’s commitment to open dialog, get the book and read it for yourself. They talk about whether atrazine might be the reason why a child feels like a girl in the body of a boy (or vice versa).

Here is where I might say “prove me wrong.” The problem is we can’t. This is a hypothesis and the only way to falsify it is to poison some human fetuses and not others. God forbid we even think about it; we’d make the Nazis look like saints.

But if it is plausible - and I would argue with Kirk if I had the chance that it is - then he was wrong as to biology and psychology. We might say God is the author of our source code (our genome). We might say “God doesn't make mistakes.” We’d be right on both counts. But we (mankind) most certainly do make mistakes. And what if we have made many in allowing the kinds of chemicals in our environment and food supply that corrupt the human “compiler.”

In an environment where endocrine disrupting chemicals are ubiquitous, biological gender is not binary. It should be. But it isn’t. And if the formation of a child’s mind and body have been affected by this - well, whose fault is that? It most certainly is not the child’s - nor is it the fault of the adult that child grows to be.

Prove me wrong.

The Monster in the Mirror

Now let’s go even further - into our churches. (I am speaking broadly of Evangelical Protestantism in the United States.) The recent shooting at the church/school in Minnesota was done by a transgender young person. She drew a portrait of herself sitting on a chair looking in the mirror. The image in the mirror was of a monster.

This is what we teach.

Mind you, it might not be what we mean. But it is how we are heard. I talked through some of the above with my transgender friend (some of my friends in church have met her) and she stopped me. She said - firmly but very kindly, our friendship made ample room for it - that it sounded like I was saying God’s design was like a perfect white dress, and she was a stain.

That, of course, was not what I meant. But it was what she heard. I grew a great deal from her kindness at that moment. I gained a lot of self-awareness.

Yes, we teach them to see themselves as monsters.

Prove me wrong.

(I do not know if she had been prescribed SSRIs, but I do know that research will soon come to light linking it to violent outbursts. I was on an SSRI for quite some time for anxiety and while I never experienced violent ideation - it usually happens in younger people - I know excruciatingly well how emotionally hard it is to wean oneself off of those medicines. My faith - and some friends I’ll mention below - saw me through that time.)

No, none of this justifies violence. But to the extent that it drives us apart, it can only deteriorate into violence - political violence. So yes, this is all inescapably political.

I’ll finish with this. My main angst right now starts with something the pastor I grew up under as a teenager would say: When you point a finger, note the other three - they point back at you. We are so easily manipulated. We have been raised with a picture of what I will shorthand as the queer community. It is a dark picture... and to someone who has lived their entire life at emotional and psychological war with their own body, it looks like a monster. And now we have social media throwing that pervasively in our face - knowing it agitates us and keeps our eyeballs on their product - to their immense profit.

It isn’t real, folks. I don’t believe the picture was originally drawn in bad faith. But it was drawn out of ignorance. We are not taught to make friends here so how would we know?

Prove me wrong.

From Picture to Prayer

Lastly I want to say as loudly and proudly as I can... I am a better man, a better Christian, and yes - a better husband to my wife of 30 years - because the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus accepted me to sing with them (even though I was not feeling well and basically bombed in my audition).

As I struggled from time to time with the emotional rawness of getting off of SSRIs, I found that our Monday evening rehearsal was exactly what I needed. I once was on the verge of dropping out because of the stress of moving to Tennessee (which only made getting off the SSRI all the harder). My friend Ernie - a godly man if there is one - pulled me out of the practice at the mere mention of dropping out. He told me how they all struggled with various challenges and the discipline and work needed of us together to sing well was a big part of how they managed - and supported each other. He simply would not allow me to walk away like that.

I am absolutely certain God wanted me to experience this immense kindness in their company. I needed this kindness. I needed it desperately. And God provided it - but not in church. He wanted me to have an honest picture so I could turn from that honest picture to Him, with honest, heartfelt, powerful prayer that God would somehow use whatever of His image I could love into their lives to draw them closer to Him.

God does not need me to “preach.” Neither does He need us to win arguments or elections. He just needs us to be His image in our world. Sometimes - like now - the politics of the moment cannot be escaped and must be faced. On gender and sex, the stories of our neighbors are complicated and more often than not are fraught with a soul crushing loneliness and isolation. But when God looks at them He see what He sees when he looks at me and you - the sacrifice of His Son. It will always remain that we have to respond to this in faith. But apart from this, we are all shut up under sin - gay, straight, and trans alike. None of are without sin, so none of us can throw that first stone.

Yes, God’s mercy calls us to a higher life in Christ, but I don’t know what that means for my queer friends. I barely know what it means for me. I do know I need friends to walk with me in God’s lovingkindness, rediscovering that higher life - day by day. I know my queer friends deserve the same.

Prove me wrong.